One of the most searched questions on the internet is, “How can I be more confident?”
Before I answer that, I want to reframe how we think about what confidence is. Merriam-Webster defines confidence as, “A feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances.”
Essentially, confidence is believing in yourself.
And if you are going to believe in yourself, you can’t be trying to be someone else. I remember when I first started teaching karate. My Sensei was a strong Eagle/Owl. He had the direct assertiveness of the Eagle and the logic and precision of the Owl. I am the social and enthusiastic Parrot.
I tried teaching like he taught. After all, isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?
The problem was that I am wired differently. I felt like I was floundering. I just couldn’t be him.
Then, one day, he said something to me that changed everything. After watching me lead a class he said, “Stop trying to be me. You will fail. You have to be you.”
It took a little while to find my own teaching style, but when I did, it was like I could breathe again. My classes were fun and energetic. I became a Parrot Sensei. I became me.
Confidence isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about fully becoming yourself.
Too often, we equate confidence with extroversion, boldness, or being the loudest person in the room. That’s Eagle or Parrot territory, and if you’re wired more like a Dove or an Owl, you might feel like you aren’t measuring up.
When you embrace your natural strengths rather than compare yourself to someone else’s, that’s when real confidence begins.
Confidence by the Styles
Confidence doesn’t look the same for every personality style.
- For an Eagle, confidence is commanding the room and charging ahead without second-guessing.
- For a Parrot, confidence radiating passion and sharing ideas with enthusiasm.
- For a Dove, confidence is speaking from the heart and knowing your calm presence is your power.
- For an Owl, confidence is trusting in your preparation and delivering insight with clarity and care.
Comparison Is the Confidence Killer
One of the biggest drains on self-confidence is comparing oneself to others. You see someone brainstorming on the fly and think, “Why can’t I do that?” You watch someone light up a room and wonder, “Why don’t I have that spark?” You hear someone analyze data in real time and feel, “I’ll never be that sharp.” They are being their best self.
Don’t try to be someone else’s best self.
Confidence grows when you stop measuring yourself by what others can do and start appreciating what you do naturally.
About Merrick Rosenberg
Merrick Rosenberg is the creator of the Eagle, Parrot, Dove, and Owl personality framework and author of Personality Intelligence: Master the Art of Being You. As an award-winning speaker and founder of Take Flight Learning, Merrick has helped hundreds of thousands of people unlock the power of personality styles to transform their communication, leadership, and relationships. He’s on a mission to make self-awareness accessible, fun, and unforgettable.
